


The Sound of a Dial Tone

by lefticurse



Category: Bandom, Cobra Starship, The Academy Is...
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-24 12:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8371774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lefticurse/pseuds/lefticurse
Summary: William tries to bring himself to turn off the answering machine, but these are the only times William gets to hear Gabe’s voice now. So he listens, even if Gabe’s words make him feel like his lungs are caving in.Gabe sounds strangled too, but William tries not to think about that.





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey, Bilvy. Please pick up. Fuck. I know this is probably annoying you, but I need to know what happened. Please?” Beep. 

“Bill. Why won’t you talk to me? I thought you loved me. I thought - “ Beep.

“Bill, it’s me again. Please at least just talk to me? It’s okay if you don’t love me.” William hears Gabe’s voice tremble. “But I don’t think that’s it, and I just - I just need to know.”

William tries to bring himself to turn off the answering machine, but these are the only times William gets to hear Gabe’s voice now. So he listens, even if Gabe’s words make him feel like his lungs are caving in.

Gabe sounds strangled too, but William tries not to think about that.

 

It had been two weeks since they had broken up, and a week since Gabe has started calling. A week since William has stopped answering the phone.

William remembers it, the warmth of the booth, the smell of his scarf he buried his face into to avoid looking at Gabe’s face when he said, _Gabe, I think we should break up._

_Why_? Gabe’s head had snapped up, his voice squeaky.

William didn’t know how to tell him, Gabe, you should be with someone who is so much more. Gabe, you deserve so much. Gabe, you’re going to get tired of me anyway. Gabe, I’m dragging you down and I can’t stand it anymore. Gabe, I’m doing this for you, even if you don’t see it yet. Gabe, I’m sorry. Gabe, you’ll be happier this way. Gabe, Gabe.

_It’s just. I just don’t think we should do this anymore._ Steady voice, steady hands. (Not really, but he tried.)

_But why?_ Gabe had asked. You’re perfect, and I am nothing, and you shouldn’t be with nothing.

_This isn’t working._

_It was. It is. A week ago, you told me you loved me and you tackled me and kissed me and you told me that you were happy here, with me. That you had never been happier. Is that -_ Gabe swallows, and William bites his lip, hard. _Were you lying then?_ William had wanted to say yes, yes, that was a lie, yes, that was all fake, but the thought of Gabe’s face scrunching up with hurt stops him.

_No._ William had answered. _It wasn’t a lie._

_Then why are you doing this?_

_It’s just the best thing to do._

_How can it be the best thing to do if you don’t want it and I don’t want it?_ Gabe had asked, voice trembling.

_Gabe, don’t make this harder than it has to be._

_Then don’t do it at all!_ Gabe had said, gripping the table so tightly William could see his knuckles turn white. 

But William had to, needed to, for Gabe.

And he did. He squeezed out of the booth and left Gabe sitting, shell-shocked, staring at the table.

William made an effort not to look back. That was over.

 

But William just hadn’t accounted for how persistent Gabe could be.

He calls every day, sometimes more than once a day, the same message with different words. Every time William hears Gabe’s pained voice, William feels like he is shattering.

This will all be worth it, though, William knows. One day, maybe he’ll run into Gabe at the supermarket or something, and Gabe’ll be genuinely happy with someone by his side, and maybe he’ll talk to William and pat him on the back with a greeting or even a “Thanks, man,” and it will be enough. It’ll have to be enough. It’ll be more than William deserves from him, anyway.

But it hurts _now_ , and he hates it, but he can’t make himself disconnect his phone or stop listening to Gabe’s messages or replaying their relationship, how they were, over and over in his head.

Somedays Gabe doesn’t call, and it’s fucked up and William knows that _he’s_ fucked up, but those days he feels almost worse than the others.

When Gabe calls, it hurts, and William can’t stand the way Gabe’s voice sounds, all choked and sad and not at all how it should, but it hurts even more when he doesn’t and William can’t stop thinking about the foreign fingers exploring Gabe’s skin.

_This is what you wanted, isn’t it?_ William always thinks to himself on those days. _You wanted him to move on. Find someone new, someone better. Maybe he has_.

And yeah, that _is_ what he wanted, but he still hates the idea of anyone else touching Gabe, anyone else making Gabe sound the way only William should hear him.

_Then maybe you shouldn’t have broken up with him_ , the voice in his head reminds him.

_Shut up_ , he tells it.

 

It’s on one of the days that Gabe hasn’t called that William decides that he is tired of sitting in a puddle of his own self-pity. He grabs his keys and wallet and ignores the blinking red light, signaling all the messages Gabe has left over the weeks that William will never delete. He drives to the bar, hoping for a good distraction.

He sits on a stool, drinking scotch. He’s focusing on the burn in this throat when he hears a voice behind him.

“Hey, I’m Bryan. Can I buy you a drink?” He turns around and sees a guy, a bit too short with hair a bit too long, but William doesn’t push him away because he figures that Bryan is close enough, and William will settle for close enough. At this point, he will settle for anything, as long as it helps him stop thinking. “Or, you know. After you’re done with that one?” Bryan adds awkwardly, seeing the drink already in William’s hand. William laughs, and it sounds hollow, even to him, but he nods.

And a couple hours and too many drinks later, they stumble in William’s apartment, conjoined at the lips, hands everywhere. Bryan’s hands are around Bill’s neck, and it’s okay, but he’s used to having fingers in his hair or hands on his hips.

And then the phone rings, and Bryan stops for a second and gestures to the phone, silently asking if William wants to answer it. He shakes his head, because he knows who it is and he can’t deal with it right now.

But then the machine clicks on anyway and William can hear Gabe’s voice, Gabe’s pleading and hurt voice, saying “Please, Bilvy, pick up. It’s late, and I’m tired, but God, I love you. I still love you,” and William is falling into Bryan, gasping and clinging to his shirt and trying to stand up straight. Even though Bryan’s smell is all wrong, and the shirt between William’s fingers is too dark, Bryan is still warm, and he’s still holding William, and that’s what matters.

Bill’s face is wet but he lifts his head up and keeps trying to kiss Bryan, like maybe Bryan can fuck the love out of him, suck out his sadness and swallow his hurt, but Bryan stops him and sits him down on the couch.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asks, and William wants to scream, _does it look like I’m fucking okay?,_ but he doesn’t because Bryan is only trying to be nice.

“It’s fine,” William says, his head in his hands, trying to drown out Gabe’s voice that’s been reverberating in his head all day, all week, all month. 

“It’s obviously not.” Bryan says, beginning to stand up. “Listen, man, should I go, or -“

“No!” William says quickly, grabbing his arm. He quickly drops it. “I’m sorry. It’s just, I don’t want to be alone.” William isn’t really sure what he’s expecting, because Bryan sure as hell doesn’t owe Bill anything, but Bryan sits back down and puts his hand and Bill’s back, rubbing lightly.

“Okay,” Bryan answers softly, and William has never felt so grateful to a stranger. “Why don’t you tell me about it?” William shakes his head, and Bryan doesn’t say anything and doesn’t stop rubbing his back, and it’s almost nice.

 

Gabe keeps leaving messages, and William sits on the couch, listening to each one, eyes dry but lungs heaving.

“I’m a little bit drunk, Billy, Bilvy boy. Everything’s so hazy now. I’m hoping this is all a dream, and I’ll wake up, and you’ll be sleeping next to me with that small smile you get when you’re having a good dream.” Beep.

“But I’m getting more and more scared that this isn’t a dream, Bill. I’m fucking terrified.” Beep.

“Bil-vy. I love you so much. I don’t know what to do without you, Bill. I don’t know what to do. I wish you’d come back. I wish you were here. I always wish you were here.” Gabe was slurring his words before, but now he’s borderline incomprehensible and William leaves the room, with Gabe’s voice still bouncing on the walls. He lays in bed and doesn’t sleep and stares at the ceiling, trying to count the cracks and forget how Gabe’s fingers and lips feel and how Gabe is such a mess now, because of him, and just Gabe, Gabe, Gabe.

 

The phone is ringing again, a couple days later, and it hurts William’s head. He tells himself not to answer, or to turn the thing off, but he wants to answer so _fucking_ badly, and William has never been good at doing what was best for him.

“Gabe,” William says after he picks up the phone. He’s breathing hard. “Please stop calling me.” He pleads, his voice thick.

“William - “

“Do you know how hard it is? How badly I want to pick up? Every single fucking day?” William asks.

“Why don’t you?” Gabe inquires, quietly.

“Because then I’d fuck everything up for you again. Okay? And you’d end up unhappy and filled with regret, and I don’t care what you say, you can do so much better. I don’t want you to end up that way.”

“What are you talking about?” William can hear the confusion in Gabe’s voice.

“Gabe, you - I’m tired of holding you back. I’m tired of holding you back when you can have so much more.”

“What?” Gabe asks again. “You don’t - Is that really what you think?” William pauses.

“You deserve better than this.” He says softly.

“You’re right, I _do_ deserve better than this. I deserve _you_.” Gabe says, voice hoarse. “I can’t have you push me away any more, Bill. It’s so fucking hard. I just want you.” And Gabe is crying, and with every sniffle William hates himself a little more, but he can’t bring himself to do anything about it, because despite Gabe’s words, William is still nobody and Gabe deserves the world.

Gabe doesn’t continue, and William can’t bring himself to say any of the things he’s been wanting to say, so they’re quiet for a while.

“I love you.” Gabe breaks the silence, but he doesn’t sound the way William thinks a person should sound when they say those words; Gabe just sounds sad and hurt and William feels so awful for making Gabe sound like that, but he thinks that it’s okay, because he’s doing the right thing. He’s doing the right thing. He’s doing the right thing.

“I love you too.” William lets himself answer. _Hold it together, Beckett. Hold it together_. Except Bill’s only human, and he can’t even obey his own inner monologue. He crumbles to the ground, phone pressed hard against his ear, and he’s shaking, and crying, and he can’t see anything through the blurriness, so he closes his eyes.

“It’s so hard without you.” Gabe keeps talking, as if he hadn’t heard William’s noises. “My bed is cold, and my skin misses yours. I don’t think you know how much I need you.” William’s heart aches at the present tense. “I miss you so fucking much, Bill.” And William has heard Gabe say these things, over and over, in all those messages, but he still feels his insides twist at the words.

“I miss you too.” William answers. He hates how broken he sounds, but lately, he has forgotten how to sound any other way.

William can hear Gabe’s uneven breaths on the phone, and he wants to tell Gabe that it’ll all be okay, but he’s not sure what that means anymore, if William is included in that, if William _should_ be included in that.

So he says nothing, and they just stay on the phone, breathing and crying and not talking, until one of them decides to hang up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so i actually wrote the first part like a year before i posted it? and i wrote this part like now so sorry if the style is different and stuff

Radio silence after that.

William’s not sure whether to feel sad or relieved so he feels nothing, just static.

But feeling nothing is good. Feeling nothing is safe. He can deal with nothing.

 

Either way, it’s fine. He’s fine. He sleeps. He wakes up. He puts on yesterday’s clothes and does not check to see if he has messages. He sits in front of the T.V. and fiddles with the remote until he can find a channel that doesn’t hurt his ears.

Days pass. No more than a week, William thinks, but then again, he doesn’t really know.

He’s fine, anyway.

And if sometimes he feels a little suffocated, a little itchy under the skin, well, he figures it’s just boredom. Or, at least, nothing that can’t be fixed with a little alcohol.

The phone doesn’t ring, and the apartment is quiet, but William does not mind the quiet, not one bit.

It’s nice, he thinks, if only he could ignore the buzzing in his head.

Maybe Gabe is happy now, and that is why he isn’t here anymore, he thinks, before he cuts off that thought quickly. Those kinds of thoughts are not inline with his plan of feeling nothing.

The clock ticks. William works on keeping his head silent. He does not think about long fingers or dark, curly hair. He does not think about those fingers curled around someone else.

He does not think at all.

 

When he hears the knock at the door, he is not ready, and he jerks awake from where he was taking a nap on the couch.

He blinks up at the ceiling for a couple minutes before standing up and going to the door.

He opens the door, but there is no one standing there.

It’s not like William was expecting anyone or anything, but he still swallows down any disappointment that may have been bubbling up. He glances down and sees a small, wrapped package by his feet.

Huh.

He picks it up and looks for some sort of label, but there is none.

Confused, William walks back inside and carefully starts peeling off the wrapping paper, depositing the bow on the side.

It’s a book with a plain black cover.

William bites his lip and flips it open and immediately recognizes the messy scrawl.

 

 _William_ - 

_I don’t know why you think you’re bad for me, or not good enough for me, or whatever you think._

_Because you do so much for me, you don’t even know._

_So now, I’m telling you. So you know._

 

William frowns, confused, and flips the page. 

 _You listen_. It reads in large writing. William flips the page again.

 _You keep me grounded._ William keeps flipping, and the words keep coming.

_You always know how to cheer me up. You make me feel warm inside. You make me laugh. You always tell me that if soulmates exist, it’s extremely statistically improbable that they’ll ever meet. And every day, you remind me that we’re one of the ones that maybe, the stars just aligned for._

It keeps going, and going, and William flips the pages frantically, ignoring the tears gathering behind his eyelids, until he reaches the end.

 _And finally, Billiam, you make me happy._ William reads, slowing down. He turns the page.

_And honestly, that would be enough._

 

William closes his eyes and sighs to gather himself. He lets himself breathe, lets himself feel the words.

He opens his eyes and turns the page again.

It’s the last one.

 

_William -_

_You are not nothing._

_You are everything._

_To me, at least. You are my everything. You make everything better._

_You make me better. You make me a better person. You make me_ want _to be a better person, which is a cliché, and I know you hate those, but it’s true._

_It’s honestly ridiculous that you don’t know how much good you do for me. How much I love you. How grateful I am for you, every fucking day._

_You know, I used to hate commitment. You know that. I thought the idea of being with only one person was restrictive and that no one could ever like anyone enough for that to work. I think maybe the future was just a terrifying concept for me, and I just dealt with it by not dealing with it at all._

_But, fuck, Bill. You sure knew how to prove me wrong._

_After you, all I could think of was spending my life with you. I would spend eternities with you, if I could. And I would love it all._

_I could imagine us, William. Us getting married, us moving to this big house in the suburbs with a backyard for the kids and dogs, us at age eighty, holding hands in our rocking chairs._

_I could imagine the future. And it didn’t scare me, not when you were there in it._

_And then you were gone, and I couldn’t go back to being all, ‘fuck relationships’ and all that shit. I only went back to being scared._

_William, you never held me back. Not even a little. If anything, you pushed me forward. Forget me deserving better than you. I don’t think I deserve you at all._

_But I guess I’m selfish. And I guess I want to keep you all to myself. But you know what?_

_It’s okay._

_It’s okay to be selfish sometimes._

_Keep that in mind, will you? And give me a call when you’re ready._

_I’ll be waiting._

 

_Gabe_

 

William wipes his eyes. He can feel himself cracking.

He hears the insecurities in his head, telling him Gabe will leave him anyway. Telling him Gabe is better off, William is just a smudge on the floor that Gabe shouldn’t have to wipe up.

 _No_ , William thinks to himself. _Shut the fuck up._

And this time the voice in his head listens.

Maybe Gabe is right. Maybe it’s time to be selfish.

William picks up the phone with trembling fingers and begins to dial.

It rings. Once, twice, three times. Then a click.

“Hello?” William hears, and he sighs in relief.

“Gabe.” He says.

“William?” Gabe asks, hope in his voice.

“Yeah,” William replies, clutching the phone. He smiles to himself then, and lightly releases his grip on the phone. He can feel the words about to spill out. Gabe, I love you. Gabe, I’m sorry about all of this. Gabe, you are incredible and ridiculous and sweet. Gabe, you make my heart feel full in a way that almost hurts. Gabe, you make me think that there’s no other way I’d rather feel.

Gabe, you are everything to me.

“Yeah?” Gabe repeats, and William thinks he can hear him smile.

Gabe, you make me feel like I could be something too.

“Yeah.” William says into the receiver. “It’s me.”


	3. Epilogue

“Gabe, stop fussing,” Victoria says, swatting his hands away from his tie. She uses her own slender fingers to fix it for him.

“There. Perfect.” She says. Gabe looks into the long mirror he is standing in front of.

“Thanks.” He says.

“Your hands are shaking.” Victoria points out. Gabe watches his reflection scowl.

“Shut up, Vicky.”

“I’m just saying,” She says, putting her hands up in surrender.

“Why’d I let you do this, again? It should’ve been Courtney.” Gabe complains.

“Maybe, but it’s too late now. Besides, I’m mostly catering to you, not Bill.” Gabe sees himself subconsciously start to smile at the name.

“Have you seen him yet?” Gabe asks. He hears the anxiousness in his voice. Victoria nods, a small smile spreading over her face.

“I have,” she confirms. “And holy shit, Gabe. You’re not even ready.” Gabe can feel the excitement coursing through his veins, which is then replaced by worry.

“He’s not freaking out is he?”

“Nope. Well, he is, but so are you.”

“How can I not?” Gabe whines. “What if I trip out there? Or I stutter?” Victoria scoffs.

“Do you really have stage fright?” She asks, unbelieving. “That doesn’t sound like the Gabe Saporta _I_ know.”

“Well, okay, but the Gabe Saporta _you_ know wasn’t getting married to William fucking Beckett. I mean, before he wasn’t. He is, now. I am, now.” Gabe babbles. “God, Vicky, just listen to me. I sound like an idiot.” Vicky dusts off his shoulders.

“Gabe, calm down. You’ll do great.” 

“What if I don’t, though?”

“You will.” She reassures. “Besides, if anyone is going to trip, it’s Bill. Remember that time he went to Target and tripped over nothing and knocked over, like, an entire pile of cereal boxes?” Gabe snickers.

“That klutz.” Gabe says, with so much fondness in his voice that Victoria almost gags. She stops herself though, because it’s a special day. They’re allowed to be in love.

“Hey, guys, we’re starting in two minutes.” Mike pokes his head in the door. He looks at Gabe and grins. “Looking good, Saporta.” He comments, before leaving.

“Better go,” Victoria says. “Are you ready?”

Gabe takes one last look at himself in the mirror.

“Yeah.” He answers, and follows Victoria out the door.

He had been ready for a couple years now.

He steps into the corridor. He sees William and tries not to die.

“Hey,” he whispers. “You look - “ He starts, then doesn’t know how to continue. He lets William interrupt him.

“Thanks,” William whispers back, giggling. He sounds almost shy. He takes Gabe’s hand. “You too.”

The others go out, and Gabe and William wait for their cue.

At first, they weren’t really sure how they should do this. They didn’t know which one of them should wait by the alter and which one should walk down the aisle, or if they should just avoid the dramatics entirely and anticlimactically both enter through the side and stand at the altar. But they eventually decided to just walk together.

There are some symbolic implications of that that William, the fucking nerd, had a field day with.

But for now, Gabe doesn’t think about it. He’s just happy, waiting with William, holding his hand.

“Let’s go,” Gabe says, as the music starts.

“Yeah,” William says. He squeezes. “Let’s go.”


End file.
